Like A Thief In The Night

March 15, 2026:

The night I decided to leave, once and for all. I’d been quietly planning it for days…what to bring, when to go, how to go. And when the moment came, I left like a thief in the night. Quietly. Not with grace, but with stealth. My swift departure carried the emotional intensity of someone escaping an abusive relationship - but that had never been the situation. What I was leaving behind was a life I could no longer honestly inhabit. My nervous system knew it. I knew it. I had finally awakened to the reality of my situation, to the future that lay ahead. I was finally ready to face a lifetime of fears, ready to confront the things that I had cast aside for decades - things that I lost, moments I endured, choices where I put my needs aside and chose comfort instead.

Quickly and quietly, I packed up everything I needed - some things thrown into the car in desperation, some things crammed into a big laundry basket. I spared no expense when it came to packing workout clothes and equipment. Without hesitation, I drove to the first place that came to my mind. The gym. My gym. Because I felt safe there. Because it was a four-minute drive from my house. Because it was locked and no one could get in. And because I had a key. While I knew it was possible that I could have been followed there, no one would be able to come in uninvited.

I shuddered as I contemplated the repercussions of taking such a monumental step. How would I do it? How would I pay for it all? What would happen to my child? How would this affect him? What would happen to my husband?

Lastly, I considered how choosing solitude might affect me. Would I always be alone? Would I always be lonely?

Despite it all, I moved ahead. The whole experience unfolded with a quiet sense of inevitability. The decision had already been made.

I had been compelled.

Out of survival.

Out of self-preservation.

Out of love for myself.

And this time, I chose myself.

-Steady.Engine-